Someone Call the Doctor!
by Schnickledooger
Summary: The Dragon Tribe wake up one day to find their normal chaotic routine disrupted by...Alfeegi! GASP! He's happy! He's smiling! He's...carefree!Someone call the doctor! Something's WRONG!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own **Dragon Knights. **How lame is that?

**Summary: **The Dragon Tribe wake up one day to find their normal chaotic routine disrupted…by Alfeegi! GASP! He's happy! He's smiling! He's…carefree! Someone call the doctor! Something's WRONG!

**Someone Call the Doctor!**

The day started off innocently enough.

It was just like any other morning at the Dragon Castle. The sun was shining brightly. The birds were chirping merrily. And inside the Palace, its occupants were being…well…_themselves_.

"THATZ, YOU GLUTTONOUS PIG, THAT WAS MY FOOD!"

That was Rune.

"OH, MY POOR LITTLE RUNE-KUN! DON'T FRET YOUR NAÏVE BLONDE HEAD! YOU CAN EAT MY FOOD!"

That was Tintlett.

"OR, BETTER YET! YOU CAN EAT ME!"

That was Lim-Kana.

_WHACK_!

That was the sound of Lim-Kana getting bitch-slapped across the face.

_THUD!_

That was the sound of Tintlett and her chair going head over heels onto the floor by a flying tackle.

And then there was silence.

That was the sound of Rune burying his face in his hands and breaking out into a storm of sweat.

"I though they had decided to pair up and share you," Rath said as he sat down next to the elf for breakfast.

"Ha!" Thatz laughed, his mouth full of his fellow Knight's food which had caused the whole scenario, "That was before they ran into each other trying to sneak into His Almighty Prudeness's room last night. Afterwards, it was like every girl for herself!"

Rune gave a muffle moan through his hands.

"Rune-san!" Kitchel chided, making her appearance and choosing her place at the table, "You should let people know when you're starting your own harem! Nohiro would be thrilled!"

Thatz and Rath cracked up laughing, with the girl-thief chuckling along at her own brilliance.

Rune brought up his head, now slightly red from being in his hands and decked out in several dangerous looking, throbbing veins, as the elf gave them the Evil Glare Of DOOM!

The trio shut up rather quickly.

They were saved luckily by the arrival of Ruwalk, who took his respectable seat.

"Good morning, everyone," Ruwalk greeted, "Sleep well?"

"Yeah, Rune," Thatz inquired grinning cheekily, not knowing when to stay quiet, "Sleep well?"

The elf dealt a violent kick to the Earth Dragon Knight's shin under the table, causing Thatz to gasp and turn blue in pain.

"Where's Cesia and Lady Rasleane?" Rath questioned, ignoring the absence of the Dragon Lord and trying not to show his disappointment that the half-Yokai girl wasn't there.

"Well, Her Highness is feeling a bit under the weather and requested breakfast in bed," Ruwalk explained, pouring himself some tea, "Cesia is dining with her. I think she also said something along the lines of being brave enough to play dress up for her. You know how happy that makes the Queen."

"What about Lord Lykuleon?" Rune asked, wondering where Dusis's ruler could be.

"Ah…yes, well," the Yellow Dragon Officer began, sweatdropping slightly, "A meeting with some overseers came up and they would not be pushed aside for later."

"Hey," Thatz said suddenly, "Aren't you suppose to be with him in those things?"

"Me? Of course not!" Ruwalk denied stoutly, seeming to sweatdrop even more, "I mean, _sometimes_, my presence is required, but His Majesty said I need not accompany him to this meeting."

"After you threw yourself at his feet and started pleading and wailing as if you would die," came a deep monotone voice as Tetheus entered the room and sat down at the table.

"Well, _helloooooooooo_, Tetheus-sama," Kitchel purred, as she non-too subtly began inching her way over the seats towards him.

Strands of the Black Dragon Officer's hair sprang from his head as he warily eyed the girl approaching him.

Thatz gave a low snarl and stuck out his leg, giving the chair the girl was presently climbing over a forceful shove away.

Kitchel let out a startled yelp as she lost her balance and toppled to the floor, on top of the still fighting Lim-Kana and Tintlett.

"Hehehehehehehe!" Thatz snickered smugly.

Who knows what horrible fate would have befallen the Earth Dragon Knight if Alfeegi had not finally come to breakfast.

Kitchel neatly kept her temper in check for later, wanting to be the picture of goodness while the White Dragon Officer was in the same room.

Lim-Kana and Tintlett quickly halted their battle and resumed their seats, trying not to look as if they had been brawling.

Rath, Thatz, and Ruwalk each took a deep breath and mentally resolved to be on their best behavior for the next half hour, while Tetheus merely continued to eat in his regular silence unconcerned.

Needless to say, everyone was bracing themselves for the usual reprimand on what seemed insignificant matters, so it was the shock for them of what came out of the Officer's mouth as he joined them at the table.

"Isn't it a _wonderful _morning?" Alfeegi stated, beaming widely.

Jaws dropped all around the table.

"P-Pardon?" Ruwalk stammered, not quite believing what he had heard.

"I said isn't it a wonderful morning?" Alfeegi repeated, his smile widening even more, "I feel…like singing!"

True to his word, the White Dragon Officer began humming merrily as he served himself the laid out food. Oh, and he also began swinging his feet to and fro underneath the table.

Everyone was frozen in utter shock not knowing what to say. Bits of unchewed food fell out of Thatz's open mouth to his plate.

"Um," Ruwalk said hesitantly, "Are you…feeling alright, 'Feegi?"

Immediately, the Yellow Dragon Officer gasped, clasping his hand over his mouth, the nickname slipping out. He was in for it now!

"Absolutely-spiffing!" Alfeegi gushed, eyes scrunching up happily, "I feel super-dee-duper!"

Ruwalk lost his balance and fall out of his chair.

"Something's up," Thatz whispered to Rath.

"How?" the black-haired young man questioned, not really seeing the problem, "Maybe he's just…having a good day."

"When he has he _ever _had a good day?" Thatz hissed.

"True," Rath stated after thinking about it.

"He's scheming something," the ex-thief said matter-of-factly, "Just watch. He's luring us into a false sense of security before bringing down the mallet. Literally."

"Oh stop it!" Rune snapped, "Be glad Alfeegi's in a good mood and enjoy it while you can."

However, that was easier said then done.

Alfeegi's good mood proved to be albeit creepy and unnerving.

"Syrup! Syrup! I love syrup," Alfeegi said giddily to his staring audience as he poured the entire contents of the sweet substance over a huge stack of pancakes, before picking up a large potion of it and stuffing it into his mouth.

"He's worse than Thatz," Tintlett stated in disgust watching the syrup ooze down the man's chin.

"Shhh," Thatz shushed her, watching the Officer closely, "He's throwing out the bait."

"SO GOOD!" Alfeegi cried, jumping up suddenly, "Everyone should have syrup! Syrup! Syrup!"

The strawberry-haired man pranced gleefully around the table, pouring all too generous amounts over each person's platter.

"Hey, not on my eggs!" Rath yelped too late.

"Yay!" Alfeegi clapped once he was done, bouncing up and down excitedly, "Eat up now! Yummy, yummy, good for your tummies!"

"Er…" everyone stared down at their meals not too sure of what to do.

"He's testing the line now," Thatz stated.

"Runie!" Alfeegi shouted abruptly, dashing over to the elf as if just seeing him.

"Uh…yes?" Rune inquired, blinking in surprise.

"Say 'Come. We musn't linger here'," the White Dragon Officer requested.

"What?" the elf questioned, frowning in confusion.

"Say it! Say it!" Alfeegi demanded frantically, hopping up and down in anticipation.

"Uh…Come. We…musn't linger here?" Rune said sweatdropping, unsure of what was going on.

"Good! Good!" Alfeegi chirped happily, "Now say 'The Ring must be destroyed!'".

"The...Ring must be destroyed?" the elf said after hesitating a little.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the White Dragon Officer shrieked as he skipped away laughing crazily.

Rune found himself sliding down in his chair, head drenched in sweat and face red in embarrassment, even though he had no clue as to why him saying the line was funny.

"Oh, this guy is good," Thatz stated more to himself than anyone else, "Pulling the old insane technique are we?"

"What are you on about?" Lim-Kana asked irritably.

Alfeegi, meanwhile, was now badgering a very flustered Ruwalk by braiding his hair. The Yellow Dragon Officer's forehead was decked out in sweatdrops in extreme nervousness. He was sure his fellow comrade had a double agenda going on.

"Lose or French?" Alfeegi asked about the braid's style.

"It d-dosen't matter," Ruwalk stuttered, on the edge of breaking down.

"He's going in for the kill," Thatz said, eyes shining in anticipation.

"Quit talking in metaphors, Scar-face," Kitchel ordered, watching the scene fascinated.

"There," Alfeegi said smiling, once done, "Isn't that lovely?" The man positively sparkled at his work, "Now you look just like Laura Croft in _Tomb Raider_!"

That was the last straw.

Ruwalk cracked.

"OKAY! OKAY!" the Yellow Dragon Officer wailed confessing, "I'M SORRY! IT WAS ME THAT DREW A MOUSTACHE ON YOUR PICTURE OF SECRETARY OF THE MONTH! I WAS THE ONE THAT TAPED **'I'M A FROG PRINCE. KISS ME SO I CAN GO BACK TO MY POND'** TO YOUR BACK! I ATE YOUR STASH OF CHOCOLATE TRUFFLES, NOT RATH! AND I LOANED KAI-STERN A THOUSAND MORE BUCKS THAN I SHOULD HAVE FOR HIS TRIP TO CHANTEL! WAH! DON'T TORTURE ME LIKE THIS ANYMORE!"

"Aha!" Thatz exclaimed, sure that Alfeegi was going to drop this whole façade once his mission was complete.

However, Alfeegi didn't even pop out a vein.

Instead, he totally ignored the weeping Dragon Officer on the floor, begging for mercy and twirled over to the dining room's open terrace to point at a small bird perching on the railing of the alcove.

"Aw!" the man cooed, "Look at the little birdie! With his cute orange chest!"

Then Alfeegi promptly launched into a charade of "Rockin' Robin".

Sweatdrops appeared on everyone's forehead.

There was an immediate group huddle around the table

"Omigawd!" Lim-Kana exclaimed, "Alfeegi-san's crazy! Not that he ever was _not_ crazy, but now he's like Mr. Rodgers crazy!"

"What do we do? We can't just leave him like this," Tintlett voiced.

"Why not? I don't see any harm in it," Thatz said, "Would you rather have him hitting you with a mallet or with sugar-coated fluff?"

"No," Rune stated, "We must do what is right, not what is convenient."

"Miss Goody-Two-Shoes," Thatz grumbled, only to see stars as the elf cracked a plate over his head.

"I agree," Tetheus said deeply, "We must find out what is wrong and return Alfeegi to his usual self."

"Can't we wait a little while longer for that?" Ruwalk spoke up timidly, "At least for him to forget everything I said."

Tetheus fixed a stoic stare on the Yellow Dragon Officer for several seconds of silence.

Ruwalk meeped and didn't suggest anything else.

"Come let's get him to a doctor," the Black Dragon Officer ordered as everyone slowly crept up on Alfeegi's unsuspecting back.

"HIYA!" the White Dragon Officer cried beaming, spinning around suddenly.

The group jumped in surprise and froze.

"Look, I made a new friend!" Alfeegi simpered, holding out his cupped hands to show a small green worm, "This is Mr. Caterpillar!"

Everyone stared, sweatdrops breaking out yet again.

"Come, Alfeegi," Tetheus was the first to regain his barely used voice, "We have to go now."

"Go?" the White Dragon Officer frowned, looking confused, "I can't go now. I promised to teach Mr. Caterpillar how to do the tango!"

More staring.

More sweatdrops.

"Don't you need legs for that?" Rath finally asked.

"Don't say that out loud!" Alfeegi cried in horror, "You'll ruin Mr. Caterpillar's dream!"

Stare.

Sweatdrop.

And then from out of nowhere, the green worm was snatched out of the Dragon Officer's hands by talons of death and lifted into the air where it met its untimely destiny.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Alfeegi shrieked in agony to the skies, "MR. CATERPILLLAR_! MR. CATERPILLAR!"_

Immediately, the man was seized by eight pairs of hands that dragged him away from the terrace, and began pushing him along out of the dining room, down the Castle's hallway.

"Hehehehe," Thatz chuckled nervously, sweatdropping, "Maybe you got something going there about bringing the ole grumpmeister back."

"WAH!" Alfeegi screeched, struggling to get out of everyone's firm grasp on him, "WHY HAVE YOU BETRAYED YOUR FRIENDS, MR. ROBIN? _WHY?"_

OoOoO

"Well, what a surprise!" Dr. Avis Laira beamed at his visitors, "What seems to be the trouble?"

"You need to do a check-up!" Rune explained.

"At once!" Thatz insisted, "Before he gets even worse."

"OHOHOHOHOHO! Urgent is it? Never you fear! I shall do a thorough examination!" Dr. Avis Laira declared boisterously, before latching onto Rath and hauling him eagerly into the room.

"AUGH! STOP! LET GO!" Rath yelled in panic, trying to escape the doctor's clutches, "I'M NOT THE PATIENT!"

"Yeah, Alfeegi is!" Lim-Kana backed up.

Dr. Avis Laira reluctantly released his hold on the black-haired young man and clucked airily, "Pity."

Rath sidled around behind Tetheus where it was safe.

The doctor tore his gaze away from Rath to settle on the White Dragon Officer.

"And what is the problem with him?" he asked without sounding as if he cared in the slightest.

"You're the doctor!" Rune said, getting worked up, "You tell us!"

"MR. CATERPILLAR!" caterwauled an inconsolable Alfeegi, his eyes shimmering in unshed water, "HE ATE MR. CATERPILLAR!"

"Hmm," Dr. Avis mused out loud, rubbing his chin while eyeing the Dragon Officer, "It appears he is suffering from an acute case of depression."

"Well no freakin' duh!" Thatz scoffed.

"And it's not just that!" Kitchel explained, "Alfeegi-san's finally gone and cracked due to too much stress!"

"HEY!" Rune yelled angrily at the girl for giving information to a man whose credibility and knowledge he was still suspicious about.

"Why, thank you, my dear!" Dr. Avis Laira beamed at Kitchel, "Just what I was about to suggest!"

"Well, can you fix him or can you not?" inquired Tetheus casting a deep gaze upon the doctor.

"Why of course I can fix him, good sir!" exclaimed the white-haired man, "The remedy is quite simple! Observe!"

And then the doctor pulled out…

A lollipop.

The group stared at it for several long seconds.

Then Rune broke the silence finally, asking in barely refrained distain, "Do you…honestly expect…_that…_TO COMPLETELY MAKE HIM BETTER AND PUT HIM RIGHT?"

"My dear elf, I never said I could revert him back to his previous state before his unfortunate incident occurred. I merely implied I could halt his distress." Dr. Avis Laira sniffed condescendingly, proffering out the candied treat to a woeful Alfeegi.

Alfeegi stopped his weeping for a brief moment to glance at the bait being offered.

"There's a good little Dragon Officer," Dr. Avis Laira consoled in a sickly sweet voice, waving the lollipop in front of the other's face in temptation, "Have this nice sugar-coated hyper-tendency treat and tell us what you did this morning?"

"Ah, so he's trying to figure out what caused this estrange of his character," Thatz mused, eyes narrowing.

"WOULD YOU _STOP_," Rune hissed, yanking on his fellow Dragon Knight's ear, "PLAYING THE DOCTOR! THAT'S THIS WEIRDO'S JOB!"

"Well?" Dr. Avis Laira repeated beaming widely at Alfeegi, still holding out the lollipop.

Alfeegi sniffled a few more times, glanced at the sucker, then at the doctor, then back at the sucker again. He seemed to be on the verge of deciding whether Mr. Caterpillar's cruel fate was worth forgetting to eat a piece of candy.

"Tell us what happened," the doctor coaxed, sounding like an overly-happy broken record.

"Well, I got up," Alfeegi said thoughtfully, finally concluding that a lollipop was a better choice than being miserable, "And looked over my morning schedule and memos which I can't really remember what they said, but I do recall something concerning a frog prince. Hmmm."

There was a muffled squeak of fear from Ruwalk as he tried to hide his anxiety by thinking happy thoughts, "Ah! Ice cream! Blue skies! Tulips! My hat that has three corners! Teddy-bears! Goo-bah! Goo-bah! Goo-bah! GOO-BAH!"

"Are you quite sure that fellow there isn't the one in dire need of assistance?" Dr. Avis Laira inquired pointedly at the Yellow Dragon officer.

Ruwalk yelped as he was seized firmly by an avid Rune who shook roughly, shouting, "PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER! YOU'RE HINDERING OUR MISSION!"

"And then I ate the package of chocolate truffles that were on the tray on my bed," finished Alfeegi, not seeming to have been bothered by the interruptions.

That quieted everyone.

"Chocolate truffles?" Dr. Avis Laira asked interestedly, "Do you usually have a tray of chocolate truffles waiting for you every morning?"

"No!" chirped Alfeegi unconcerned, snatching the lollipop out the doctor's hand and merrily sucking on it.

"Hmmm, something must have been those truffles," Dr. Avis Laira concluded, making Rune bristle.

"ANYONE COULD HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT!" the elf screeched, "QUIT ROLE-PLAYING AND TELL US WHAT YOU'RE REALLY HERE FOR! CERTAINLY NOT TO DOCTOR PEOPLE!"

"Oh no, my dear elf, that's where you are wrong," Dr. Avis Laira stated, his voice growing husky, "I quite _love_ to doctor people."

The white-haired man was boring a hole through Rath, while he said this, and licked his lips after he had spoken.

Rath's face turned several shades of green as he broke out into a massive sweat. The black-haired young man began backing non-too subtly towards the end of the hallway.

Unfortunately, his escape was delayed by him slamming into several Dragon Fighters rushing into the hallway and causing them all to topple over with a crash.

"What is the meaning of this?" Tetheus inquired deeply.

"Ah! Captain Tetheus!" they shouted, extricating themselves from the tangled heap on the floor, "The Draqueen Sword Ceremony is this afternoon! Were gonna hafta peform in front of all those overseers the Dragon Lord invited! WAH! WERE NOT READY! WERE GONNA MAKE FOOLS OF OURSELVES! AND YOU DONT CARE ABOUT US ENOUGH TO COME AND HELP US PRACTICE! WAH!"

The Dragon Fighters were nearly bawling with over-anxiety and extreme stress.

"Desist this callow behavior at once," Tetheus spoke in his monotone voice, the only indication that he was utterly embarrassed at his protegees manner of conduct was a small bead of sweat on his head.

"The Draqueen Sword Ceremony?" Thatz blinked, "That's today? WHY WASN'T I TOLD ABOUT THAT? I COULD'VE PULLED TOGETHER A WHOLE SCAM TO ROB THE OLE GEEZERS BLIND RIGHT UNDER THEIR OWN NOSES!"

"I think that _is_ the reason, Einstein," Kitchel scoffed in superiority.

"WAIT A MINUTE!" Thatz screamed, getting really worked up, "THEY TOLD YOU BUT NOT ME? YOU WERE A THIEF TOO, YA KNOW!"

"But unlike _some _people," the pink-haired girl smirked smugly, "_I_ can actually steal things and escape without getting caught!"

"ARE YOU _IMPLYING_ SOMETHING?" Thatz screeched, going so red in the face with anger that his scars stood out.

"STOP IT!" Rune cried, interrupting the mayhem, "The Draqueen Sword Ceremony can wait! Right now our first priority is to return Alfeegi back to normal so he won't make Lord Lykuleon look bad!"

"Oh Rune-kun, noble and gallant to the last!" Lim-Kana breathed star-struck, hands clapsed to her chest dramatically, "I _MUST_ HAVE YOU AT ONCE!"

"AAAAAAAAAAH! THAT'S IT! YOU AND ME OUTSIDE, RIGHT NOW!" shrieked Tintlett in a mindless rage, as she grasped the other girl's hair and bodily hauled her out of the room, "WE WILL DO WHAT THE CREATURES OF THE WILD DO TO WIN THEIR MATE! A FIGHT TO THE DEATH!"

Rune stared after them in total shock, his mind still not comprehending what had just happened.

"Ooh, I gotta watch this!" Thatz exclaimed excitedly, forgetting to be miffed about his ignorance of the Sword Ceremony, "Can we put off the search for Alfeegi's so-called 'illness' just for a little bit?"

"That shouldn't be so hard," Dr. Avis Laira smiled broadly, "He's gone!"

Silence.

Then…

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Rune screamed in horror, "HOW THE HECK DID THAT HAPPEN?"

"Well, I kinda think he might've been able to sneak away when the Dragon Fighters started whining like babies, then when Thatz threw a hissy fit, and then when-" Kitchel generously tried to explain before being cut off by a paranoid elf.

"SHUT UP! IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION!" Rune roared, "WE HAVE TO FIND HIM BEFORE HE RUNS INTO THE OVERSEERS! NOTHING MUST WRONG TODAY! THE SWORD CEREMONY IS IN HONOR TO THE DRAGON LORD AND HIS SUBJECTS! HOWSE IT GONNA LOOK ON HIS REP IF ONE OF HIS TOP AIDES TURNS OUT TO BE A NUT-JOB?"

"You mean besides you?" Thatz smirked.

_CONG!_

The ex-thief was crushed flat to the floor by a humongous boulder falling on top of him from nowhere.

"ANY ONE ELSE GOT ANY COMMENTS?" Rune yelled a bit unhinged.

There was a vigorous shaking of heads in unison.

"Not to be a bearer of bad news, but shouldn't you be more concerned over your two fair ladies fighting in the name of honor?" Dr. Avis Laira questioned the elf.

Rune paled considerably, recalling the incident.

"ALL RIGHT, HERE'S WHAT WE DO!" the elf ordered hastily, "I GO AND STOP LIM AND TINTLETT FROM KILLING EACH OTHER AND YOU GUYS SPLIT UP AND LOOK FOR ALFEEGI! GOT THAT?"

The group watched Rune dash off to stop the Battle of Girl Power.

"Alrighty! You heard the dear elf!" Dr. Avis Laira stated, "Let's split up! I SHALL SEARCH WITH RATH-KUN, HERE!"

The white-haired man yanked the Fire Dragon Knight towards him excitedly and giggled happily.

"WAH! NO!" Rath protested, struggling to get away, "WHY CAN'T I GO WITH THATZ?"

"Because Thatz is going to pair up with Ruwalk, who is also going to distract the Dragon Lord and his over-seers from noticing anything odd from going on!" Dr. Avis Laira explained calmly, keeping a firm grip on the black-haired young man.

"Are they?" Ruwalk gulped, starting to shake visibly at the mention of overseers.

"They _are_," Dr. Avis Laira stated, giving the man a warning glance.

Ruwalk gulped and once again began to think happy thoughts.

"WELL, WHY CAN'T I GO WITH TETHEUS THEN?" Rath yelped, panicking.

"Because Tetheus is going to pair up with Kitchel," the white-haired man continued.

"Did you hear that Tetheus-sama?" Kitchel asked slying, winding her arm around the Black Dragon Officer's side, "We're gonna _pair up_! HEHEHEHEHE!"

Tetheus's face was bright red decked out in a million sweatdrops.

"OI! YOU CAN'T LET THEM PAIR UP!" Thatz cried to Dr. Avis Laira furiously.

"Why?" the doctor inquired bluntly.

"Ah, er, uh," Thatz stuttered, trying to think of a good reason, "B-B-Because…the Dragon Fighters! TETHEUS HAS TO HELP THEM PRACTICE THEIR SWORDSMANSHIP FOR THE CEREMONY!"

"I assure you, if they search on their own and keep a look-out for our missing Dragon Officer, the sooner Tetheus will be able to help them practice!" Dr. Avis Laira said.

Thatz glared, Kitchel smirked and Rath shouted as he kicked and struggled, "DOESN'T ANYONE CARE ABOUT MY OPINION?"

"Well, you all better had best get on with your missions!" the doctor waved at the group, eager for them to leave, "Shoo! Shoo!"

"Come on Tetheus-sama! I think I know just the right room-er, place-where Alfeegi-san amy be! Heeheehee!" Kitchel tittered, skipping away in a mad sort of glee as she tugged along the Black Dragon Officer after her.

"WAH! THE CEREMONY WILL BE A DISASTER!" the Dragon Fighters wailed as they fled, "OUR CAPTAIN HATES US!"

"I can't face those overseers! I can't! THEY'RE SCARY! WAH! I WANT GOO-BAH!" Ruwalk sobbed as Thatz forcefully marched him down the hallway, brooding silently.

"HEY! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?" Rath screeched at their retreating backs, "DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THIS PERVERT! HELP!"

"Now, now!" Dr. Avis Laira chided him, "It is not nice to judge a book by its cover! I know! Let's do a 'check-up' before searching for the White Dragon Officer just to make sure you haven't caught his illness! HEHEHEHEHE!"

Rath left claw-marks on the door-frame as he was forcefully dragged into the doctor's office.

OoOoO

Kai-stern sighed as he wearily walked through the Dragon Castle's hallways. His last trip had been rather long and tedious. Sometimes being the Secretary of Foreign Affairs was really hard work. Anyway, all wanted to do was go to sleep, but he had barely made it back in time for the Draqueen Sword Ceremnoy and he had to get ready for it. That is, if Alfeegi let him live for being so late.

The Blue Dragon Officer signed once more, turned the corner…and ran smack-dab into the very person he had been thinking about.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Kai-stern screamed extremely high-pitched, "A-A-ALFEEGI! NO! I WAS GOING TO REPORT STRAIGHT TO YOU JUST NOW! I WAS ! I'M LATE-I KNOW! BUT T-T-THERE WAS A…A…A…A MASSIVE ACCIDENT EN ROUTE TO HERE AND I HAD TO HELP INJURED CITIZENS! YES, THAT'S IT! IT WASN'T LIKE I WAS LAZING IN A TAVERN SOMEWHERE, HAHAHAHA! SO, ANYWAY, I'M HERE AND THE DRAGON LORD WON'T BE SHORT AN OFFICER FOR THE SWORD CEREMONY! P-P-PLUS, I WON'T LOOK GOOD IN MY UNIFORM ALL BRUISED AND MANGLED NOW, WOULD I?"

The Blue Dragon finally ceased his mindless babbling of excuses and braced himself for the verbal and physical onslaught he inevitably knew would come.

But it never did.

Kai-stern looked at Alfeegi expecting him to be over-wrought with stress worrying about the Sword Ceremony, but the man seemed peculiarly calm for some reason. Even stranger…he was smiling. Alfeegi _never_ smiled.

"Um, Alfeegi?" the man asked his fellow Officer, "You O.K.?"

Alfeegi beamed at him, flung out his arms, then launched himself at the other shrieking, "KAI-KAI! YOU'RE BACK! YEAH!"

Kai-stern gaped as he found his arms full of Alfeegi who was hugging him happily. The man managed to disentangle himself and peer closer at the White Dragon Officer.

"You feeling alright, Alfeegi?" Kai-stern inquired most deeply baffled.

"ALFEEGI-SAN'S FEELING GREAT! GREAT! GREAT!" Alfeegi exclaimed giggling, "POCKY?"

Kai-stern practically choked as a strawberry pocky stick was rammed into his mouth. At this point, the Blue Dragon Officer started to get slightly suspicious that Alfeegi was not acting normal.

"Alfeegi," Kai-stern said, testing his fellow Officer, "I spent most of my journey in pubs drinking and gambling to my heart's content, before I left I told Rath the most dangerous places where to find demons and Ruwalk loaned me a couple more thousand dollars than he should have."

Kai-stern waited for the brutal blow.

"Kai-Kai!" cried Alfeegi wide-eyed, "Did you know that chickens can't fly?"

Kai-stern felt a sly smirk slowly slide across his face. It seemed Alfeegi was not quite himself at the moment. Perhaps he could use this turn of events to his advantage for all his past sufferings at the hands of the other man.

Oh yes. Revenge would be very sweet!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

_To Be Continued…_

**A/N: Good God, she's done it again! My nerves are so frazzled right now! I hop you guys enjoyed this as much as my other fics! I'm supposed to be working on my computer project that's due this Wednsday. Oh well. Please Review! And try not to worry too much about poor Alfeegi (and certain others) fates. They won't be harmed…TOO MUCH! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA! **

**REVIEW AND TELL ME YOUR FAV PARTS PLEASE! ARIGATO! **


	2. The Middle

**Disclaimer: **I do not own**Dragon Knights. **How lame is that?

**Summary: **The Dragon Tribe wake up one day to find their normal chaotic routine disrupted…by Alfeegi! GASP! He's happy! He's smiling! He's…carefree! Someone call the doctor! Something's WRONG!

**Dedictaed to: Belated B-Day present for Leeayre and to all my Dragon Knights fans who have been so patient with me and my updating…right?**

**A/N: Please remember that Dr. Avis Laira is really Kharl in disguise.**

**Someone Call the Doctor!**

"You don't understand!" Ruwalk howled inconsolably as he and Thatz walked down the hallways of the Dragon Castle on their mission to find and keep the overseers in one place so they would not happen to cross paths with the absent, seemingly out-of-his-mind-at-the-moment White Dragon Officer.

"The overseers are the devil incarnate! All they do is sit around and argue about whose Durna is bigger than the other persons and then if they can't decide on that, they go into a verbal battle over which of their Durna's names is the most elegantly extraordinaire! '_Ooh, my Durna is named Mr. Roary vonDurna-y!' 'Oh, yeah, mine is named Durna-Wurna Snooplewooms!'_ And so on and so on and so on!" Ruwalk wailed, clutching the sides of his face in the utmost terror as he and Thatz turned the corner and were now fast-approaching the two giant doors which led to the Council Room.

"NONONONONONO!" the Yellow Dragon Officer shrieked, growing positively hysterical as they stopped in front of the entrance to the dreaded destination, "I WON'T GO IN THERE! I WON'T SUBJECT MYSELF TO THEIR SELFISH, UNABASHED, IDIOTIC BABBLINGS ANYMORE!"

"Ruwalk, Ruwalk, chill, okay?" Thatz said, turning to face his fellow Dragon tribesman, "Believe me, sitting and listening to a bunch of snooty old geezers is not on my schedule for today."

"Really?" Ruwalk cried, his face shining alight with hope.

"Well, not me, anyways," Thatz stated, grinning like a Cheshire cat, the only warning poor Ruwalk received, before the Earth Dragon Knight grasped his arm firmly, yanked open one of the double doors and swung him unceremoniously inside, before shutting the door swiftly into the Officer's face, and barricading it from outside to ward off a possible escape route.

"Oh, Ruwalk! I didn't think you'd come. Please, have a seat," a familiar voice filled with relief and the Dragon Officer swiveled his head to see Lord Lykuleon sitting at the head of a table smiling gratefully at his unexpected presence while surrounded by overseers of the land of Dusis.

"Yellow Dragon Officer Ruwalk," one of the aforementioned overseers addressed standing up, "Share with us your opinion: isn't having a carriage drawn by eight Durnas being a little too extravagant and merely boasting the accumulation of your wealth?"

"Ha! Says the man who goes around in a carriage drawn by twelve Durnas!" yelled another overseer standing up.

"I'll have you know that carriage belonged to my sister and women are quite frivolous in their ways of expressing their sense of fashion!" defended the first overseer stoutly.

"Oh, is that reason then? That's good to hear. I did wonder why your carriage was so girly-looking!" taunted the second overseer, causing an outbreak of laughter from the rest of the rooms occupants.

"Are you implying something?!" screamed the first overseer, growing bright red in the face, "You-you-back alley cross-dresser!"

The second overseer gasped in shock as they others did their respective "ooooooohs!" of awe.

Lykuleon sighed, beads of sweat breaking out across his forehead and Ruwalk directed his face upward, gripped his hair by its roots and let out a blood-curdling, imploration of the injustice of his fate to the room's ceiling:

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

OoOoO

"Isn't this simply wonderful? Don't we look absolutely beautiful?" the Dragon Queen giggled in girlish delight as she twirled around the room in her long, flowing white dress, which also happened to be her wedding gown.

Cesia kept her face towards the floor, not wanting to giver her expression of exasperation, irritation and embarrassment away. Lady Raseleane had tricked her into her coming to her room by pretending to be sick. It seemed that the Dragon Queen wanted nothing more to do than to play her favorite game: Dress Up the Live Cesia Doll.

To make her walking, breathing mannequin not feel exploited, the Dragon Queen herself decided to dress up as well.

So far, Cesia wasn't feeling any less uncomfortable. The wedding dress which she stood in wasn't helping the situation either.

Yes, the Dragon Queen had ordered a tailored, special-made wedding dress just for Cesia and apparently had been making nuptial arrangements without her knowledge or consent.

Cesia struggled to get her emotions under control and was extremely thankful that the Lord Lykuleon's Dragon Amulet was still fastened securely around her neck, otherwise, she was sure her alter ego would have taken over and demonstrated just how much she thought of Lady Raseleane's match-making.

"I was thinking when you and your husband get married, Lykie-poo and I would renew our wedding vows at the same time," Raseleane tittered, blushing giddily at the thought.

"And just who am I supposed to marry exactly?" Cesia inquired, reverently hoping Rune's name wouldn't be announced, otherwise she was sure she would be murdered by Lim-Kana and Tintlett before sunset this evening. Any information concerning the elf's love life and living status was known by them and she sincerely pitied the Water Dragon Knight's future and sanity.

"Why you and Rath, of course, silly!" the Dragon Queen giggled again, before clasping her hands to her chest and gasping dramatically, "Ooh, I can't wait to be a grandmother! Please, Cesia dear, promise me you'll name of the babies after me, even if it's just their middle name!"

Rath?

Grandmother?

_One_ of the babies?!

Just as Cesia was about to give in to the inner screams of her alter ego's thirst for vengeance and tear off the Dragon Amulet, there came a commotion outside the door of shouting and ripping sounds and also one large_THUD!_

Eager to find an excuse to escape the insanity of the room and it's occupant, Cesia dashed forward and flung the door open to reveal a struggling Black Dragon Officer Tetheus attempting to ward off the unwanted advances of an enthusiastic yet determined Kitchel.

It looked like Kitchel was winning, for the girl thief at the present time was on Tetheus' back with her legs locked around his chest and her arms about his head, and was shrieking in his ear, "Nyuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Tetheus-sama, why do you resist?! This could work out! I could be the greatest thief of all time and because I would be your mistress, no one could arrest me! Think about it! WE BOTH COULD BE SO HAPPY!"

Actually, it seemed to Cesia that the only thing which would make Tetheus happy were if Kitchel would conveniently disappear off his back and off the face of the map forever. Apparently, Rune wasn't the only one with female troubles.

"Oh, how lovely! A lover's first quarrel!" the Dragon Queen gushed excitedly, oblivious as usual, as she stood in the doorway next to Cesia surveying the scene, "Are you two getting married as well? A triple wedding should be marvelous! And if you need a dress, I could supply one."

This halted Kitchel's furious attempts on Tetheus to interest her enough to hop off the Dragon Officer's back and stare greedily at the rich white silk, embroidered lace, and diamond studded sequins which made up the dress.

"Hoo-yeah," Kitchel stated, as she almost drooled in anticipation, stars flashing in her eyes, "Tell me, do I get a diamond tiara or necklace as well?"

Tetheus at this point had fled streaking down the hallway which broke Kitchel out of her rich aristocratic fantasy to start anew her chase of the man.

"GAAAAH! Why do you flee, Tetheus-sama?! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE CUPID'S ARROWS!"

"Such raging passion!" Lady Raseleane swooned merrily, watching the pair race down the corridor, "Young love is the surely the most splendid thing!"

Cesia, meanwhile, decided then would be the best time to escape unnoticed. So while the Dragon Queen was busy twirling about again engrossed in her own delusions, Cesia hitched up her skirts and took off down the opposite hallway as fast as she was able to in her satin high heel shoes.

OoOoO

In the meantime, on the grounds of the Dragon Castle in the Fighters Guild, **(1) **the Dragon Fighters were bemoaning their inevitable, potential disastrous performance in front of the overseers at the Sword Ceremony later in the day, and were drowning their sorrows in liquor and half-hearted gambling when the doors of their not-so secret get-away burst open and their pity party was disrupted by the appearance of Blue Dragon Officer Kai-stern and White Dragon Officer Alfeegi.

The Dragon Fighters, having missed out on the information concerning the recent presumed mental breakdown of Alfeegi, reacted accordingly.

"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!" screamed the Dragon Fighters as one, clutching each other in terror, under the assumption that the White Dragon Officer was there to beat them senseless out of their miserable wallowing.

To say they were surprised when Alfeegi skipped happily into the guild, ignoring the building's terrified, shaking occupants, waltzed over to the gambling table, picked up a coin and exclaimed, "GOLD-WRAPPED CHOCOLATE PIECES! YAY!" and attempt to bite down on it, was understatement.

"Um, all right," spoke up a spiked yellow-haired young man to Kai-stern, unsure, "Did someone kidnap Alfeegi, make a clone and replace the real one with _that_?"

The Dragon Fighter pointed to Alfeegi who was frowning in concentration trying to unpeel the solid coin to get to the believed gooey sweetness in the middle.

"WAH! THIS CHOCOLATE COIN DOES LIKE ALFEEGI-SAN!" the White Dragon Officer exclaimed in tearful frustration, before whirling on a nearby unfortunate Dragon Fighter and hold out the coin to him. "UNWRAP IT FOR ME!"

"But that's not a-" the Dragon Officer attempted to explain.

"CHOCOLATE GOLD PIECE!" Alfeegi screamed, eyes screwing up and looking as if he might have a temper tantrum right then and there.

"Just watch this," Kai-stern said smirking as he walked forward and swung a comforting arm around the irate, emotional man and led him over to the guild's bar counter.

"Don't cry over chocolate now, 'Feegi," Kai-stern stated, taking full advantage of the White Dragon Officer's state of mind to address him by this unliked nicknamed, "We've got something here that's way better than that."

"Really?" Alfeegi asked through sniffles wide-eyed.

"WINE! VODKA! RUUUUUUUUUUM!" exclaimed Kai-stern, letting all reservations go, flinging himself over the counter and throwing open the liquor cabinet's doors, "OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT: THE DRINKS OF THE GODS! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Ah! What are you doing Officer Kai-stern?!" cried the Dragon Fighters in horror, watching as the bleached white-haired man snatch up a bottle and rub it in pure joy against his cheek, "And right in front of Officer Alfeegi too!"

"If you boys haven't noticed by now, our dear Alfeegi-san isn't exactly himself at the moment," Kai-stern explained as he uncorked a bottle of rum and held it under his fellow Dragon Officer's nose, "Here, 'Feegi-san! Drink this and pretty soon, everything will be in absolute perfection and harmony!"

"You mean Mr. Caterpillar is okay, then?" the White Dragon Officer gasped, clutching the edge of the bar's counter tightly. "Mr. Caterpillar won't be eaten and can still go on to Dancing With the Bugs, win the prize, elope with his butterfly girlfriend and vacation in Costa Rica Village's lakeside beach?!"

Kai-stern gaped at Alfeegi, not sure how exactly the topic had gotten off of alcohol and onto caterpillars or what exactly the Dragon Officer was talking about, however, it was best to play along.

"Uh, yep!" Kai-stern declared nodding, "Anything's possible with liquor, you know!"

"YAY!" Alfeegi shrieked happily, swiping the bottle away from Kai-stern and guzzled it down like it was water.

"Whoa, you weren't joking!" a chin-length brown-haired Dragon Fighter stated, as he and his companions watched in awe as Alfeegi finished the bottle in five seconds flat, let out a gigantic belch, began laughing and pointing at the empty space of air in front of him, exclaiming, "OOH! LOOKY! SPARKLY FIRELFIES EVERYWHERE! AND THEY'RE DOING THE MARACANA!"

"This is too good," stated a green-haired Dragon Fighter, watching as the White Dragon Officer, Chief Torturer and Bane of the Dragon Fighters' lives…proceed to copy the invisible fireflies dance movements and bop his way around the floor of the Dragon Guild, occasionally crashing into chairs.

"Yep, and I'm going to keep the memories alive," Kai-stern sniggered as he pulled out a square object from his coat pocket, held it up to his face and pressed a button which emitted a brilliant flash, temporarily blinding people.

"IIII-YAAAAAAAAA!" Alfeegi screamed, clamping both hands over his eyes and proceeded to shriek in baleful astonishment, "THE LIGHTNING GOD HAS FRIGHTENED THE FIRELIES AWAY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Just exactly is that thing?" questioned the spiked yellow-haired Dragon Fighter, motioning to the object in Kai-stern's grasp.

"I don't know," the Blue Dragon Officer shrugged, as he proceeded to press the button which emitted flashes several times more, capturing Alfeegi's tirade against the heavens for making his invisible firefly friends desert him, just like Mr. Robin and Mr. Caterpillar.

"But I borrowed it off Dr. Avis Laira. He said he knew the creator of these personally and could always get another one. Apparently, he's been using this little gizmo to 'cherish memories of his Beloved'," Kai-stern quoted, turning the square device over to view the inscription on the bottom, "Renkin, huh? I hear people from there are strange…"

OoOoO

Cesia streaked down the shiny hard-scrubbed floors and hallways of the Dragon Castle, reverently praying she would not run into Cernozurna or any maid servants, who were sure to turn her location over to the Lady Raseleane or even worse, drag her back kicking and screaming. It was nice that the Dragon Queen inspired such loyalty, but really, a person could only take so much of her gooey sweet _niceness _without going insane.

Cesia wanted nothing more than to escape to her room, lock herself in, and perhaps immerse herself in memories of the good old days when she lived with her old foster mother witch, who would eat anyone who happened to annoy them.

The girl was so intent on her goal, that she did not manage to hear the hurried patter of footsteps coming down the opposite side of the corridor which she, herself was racing in. Thus, when she turned the corner rather swiftly, she smacked head-first with another person in a violent blow, causing them both to crash backwards.

"OOOOOOOOOOW!" howled the other person, staggering to his feet, clutching his bruised forehead angrily, "Watch where you're going, will ya?"

"Thatz?" Cesia asked, attempting to struggle up amidst the legions of bustles and skirts beneath her dress that weighed her down. Her quest was in vain though. She could only helplessly flail her stocking legs this way and that like a goldfish out of the water, gasping for air. Curse the dratted dress and what it stood for! She most assuredly believed when people said that to be in marriage was bondage.

"Cesia? Is that you?" Thatz questioned, uncertain as he peered down trying to find a face amongst the thick, puffy folds of the white material. "Are you wearing a _wedding _dress?"

Cesia managed to kick out one of her satin high heeled shoes and catch the ex-thief sharply on his kneecap, causing him to screech in pain.

"A LITTLE HELP YOU THICK-HEADED LOUT?!" the girl screamed, extremely enraged. This was really not her day.

Thatz hoisted her up most ungraciously by her arm, giving her the evil eye and mumbling about evil women and their _girlish_, insensitive attitudes.

"So, what happened to you? Runaway bride or did the groom leave you standing at the altar?" Thatz taunted, wanting to get pay-back on someone who might have damaged one of a thief's most important essentials for making a steal.

Cesia had no intention of telling him that the Dragon Queen had unofficially betrothed her to Rath. That would just make the ex-thief's day and no doubt, he'd go running off to share the news with the other two Dragon Knights and Dragon Fighters, and Dusis, she didn't want to know what Rath's reaction would be.

So, hitching up her dress and underskirts in a bunch again, she stalked off in a huff, not resisting to call over her shoulder in a knowing sing-song voice a sentence which she was sure to ruin Thatz's merriment.

"Why don't you go ask Kitchel the same thing? Last time I saw, she and Tetheus were looking to tie the knot."

Cesia smirked as she heard the Earth Dragon Knight let loose a stream of vile profanity and a huge crash as he knocked over a vase in his haste to locate his rival in l-er, rival thief, right!

Cesia cackled fiendishly, feeling a bit better after having passed on a small portion of her irritancy and urge to cause chaos and suffering on those who dared to toy with her like a child. Oh yes, her demon side was quite active today. Perhaps, it would be the safest thing to shut herself in her room, not talk to anyone, and…brood terrible happenings on those inferior to her supreme superiority and also, the demise of all Dusis!

QUEEN CESIA WILL ONE DAY RULE ALL AND BE WORSHIPPED IN FULL! BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Cesia halted suddenly and frowned, clutching the Dragon Amulet around her throat. The girl fingered it musingly, then carefully unwrapped it from her neck and stared at it. Wasn't this thing to keep her from falling into her evil alter ego? It certainly wasn't working to its fullest potential today. Was it defective?

Perhaps the fates of the life simply decided to have some fun and gang up against her, for the instant the girl took off her Dragon Amulet, she happened to hear some awfully _strange_ sounds coming from beyond the door she had stopped unaware in front of.

Sounds such as muffled laughter, intense moaning, and the sound of shifting rustle of cloth, and then hurried fast breathing.

Cesia, being overly curious pressed her ear against the door, hoping to catch some audible words of what exactly was going on, but got more than she bargained for when the door swung inward due to it not being locked; and the girl stumbled into quite an extraordinary sight.

A sight which consisted of Rath bound and tied quite firmly by his wrists and ankles on the couch, desperately trying to get away from Dr. Avis Laira who was perched atop his patient, straddling him, and seeming listening intently to Rath's heartbeat by means of his stethoscope, but really was only running it up and down the his upper torso, while he stared hungrily at the black-haired young man's bare chest.

Time seemed to freeze in place for a moment as all three surveyed one another wide-eyed, before everything exploded.

Literally.

"ALL RIGHT! THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT!" Cesia screamed in rage, frothing at the mouth and her golden eyes glowing blood-red as the Dragon Amulet slipped from her fingers and she willingly allowed her alter ego to take full possession of her body for the first time ever. "NO ONE MESSES WITH MY PLAYTHINGS! I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN TOY WITH THE WEAKLING BRAT! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!"

The room fairly erupted with violently strong wind magic which vented out its owner's fury by picking up, hurling and shattering objects in an impressive fit of temper.

Suffice to say, had it been any other person, Black Cesia would have won hands down, had not their opponent been one fiercely determined, particularly adept in magic as well, certain white-haired doctor.

"YOU!" Dr.Avis Laira exclaimed, leaping off poor Rath and pointing at the half-Yokai girl, his face showing extreme displeasure that his_pleasure_ had been interrupted, "I'VE HAD A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU FOR QUITE SOME TIME! RATH-KUN IS MY SOUL MATE AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO INTERFERE WITH US PROCLAIMING OUR UNDYING DEVOTION! YOUR TIME'S UP, BITCH!"

And with that bold decree, the two launched a declaration of war upon the other and proceeded to fling attacks of wind and ash magic in vicious bouts along with low-degrees of name-calling.

"YOU POOFY-HAIRED _POOF_!" Black Cesia screeched, unleashing a tidal wave of particularly ferocious wind magic at the doctor.

"YOU BIG-MOUTHED, CHICKEN-LEGGED, FLABBY-BOTTOMED SKANK!" Dr. Avis Laira retorted, blasting a powerful wave of ash towards his opponent.

"PERVERTED HOMO-MANIAC!"

"_BRA-STUFFER!"_

Black Cesia gasped in horror, eyes growing wide, before the air behind her seemed to darken considerable, and she spoke in a low, threatening tone, "Oh no you didn't…"

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Dr. Avis Laira laughed triumphantly, hands on his hips, the sweat from the exertion of his attacks making his hair spring up from the gel holding it in its smoothed down position. "GO JUMP OUT OF A WINDOW, GOTH BARBIE! AND FEEL FREE TO TAKE THE CURTAINS WITH YOU FOR MORE PADDING! HAHAHAHA!"

"OH, YOU'RE GOING _DOWN_, GRANDPA!" Black Cesia screamed, temporarily forgetting that she possessed the ability of the wind to do her dirty work for her. All the half-Yokai girl wanted at that moment was the pleasure of physically hurting the doctor who thought himself so superior to her.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Black Cesia screamed as she raced forward more swiftly than she thought was capable in her huge, billowy wedding gown, leapt into the air, did a turn-around kick and caught the doctor squarely in the chest with her satin, yet firm high heels, knocking him backwards out of the room's window along with herself from the brunt of her assault, causing them both to fall two stories.

Luckily, they both summoned their wind and ash elements to be of service to them again and resumed their battle the moment both feet were on the ground below.

Meanwhile, back in the doctor's office…

"Curse my insanely handsome features and hot bishounen pheromones," Rath stated to himself or rather the ceiling, as he was still tied with all four appendages to the couch.

"Hey, wait a minute, I'm the Fire Dragon Knight! I can rescue myself!" Rath exclaimed suddenly as if a light bulb had just blinked on in his head.

Closing his eyes, the black-haired young man called upon his power, focused it all to a center, and then released it. Smelling the familiar acrid scent of burning fire, Rath opened his eyes to find the entire room filled with a heavy smoke and everything fiercely ablaze…except of course his bonds.

"Well, this sure sucks," Rath stated as the fire loomed larger.

OoOoO

Rune's eyes darted wildly to the left and then the right from the bush which he was crouched under. It was no surprise who he was hiding from. Lim Kana and Tintlett's Battle of Girl Power hadn't gone very well. When it appeared that both girls were equally matched in their strength and only marring their beautiful physique with their cat-fights, they each had opted for different tatics. Lim Kana had turned herself into a spider in hopes of scaring her rival. Tintlett had turned herself into her child form and promptly began stomping her feet in attempts to smush the Lim Kana for good. Lim Kana had then grown into an even larger spider about the size of a Durna and had scuttled about the Dragon Castle's grounds clicking her pincers hoping to snap Toddler Tintlett, who was desperately fleeing from her, in two.

Rune had decided then that it would be best for him to escape before Lim Kana realized she could simply shoot a web at him if she wanted and get him in an even stickier situation with no hopes of getting untangled.

So, now he was crouched under bush, wondering what to do, making plans that he would become bachelor as it would be less dangerous. If he did that, the only thing he would have to worry about was if Rath acted out one of his demon-hunting dreams in his sleep upon his two fellow Dragon Knights or Thatz gnawing off his arm on the illusion that it was a tasty side of ham when he hadn't eaten for the excruciating pain of two minutes. Yes, being a bachelor was looking very promising indeed compared to the prospect of having both a spider and toddler girlfriend.

"YOO-HOO! RUNE-KUN, WHERE ARE YOU?" came Spider Lim Kana's voice merrily in a great booming shout.

"DON'T YOU 'RUNE-KUN' MY ELF, YOU WALKING FREAK OF NATURE!" shrilled Tintlett's high-pitched tone as a toddler.

Then the fairy child must have whacked or bitten Lim Kana the Giant Spider on one of her huge legs or something, because then the screams and vibrations of big footsteps grew louder and closer to the elf's hiding place.

Rune glanced about desperately and caught sight of the Dragon Fighters' Guild, a place that he normally despised and avoided, yet this time brought sheer hope and joy to his eyes. Making a wild dash across the open space of the grounds, the elf reached the building, flung open the door, threw himself inside, and slammed and barricaded the entrance.

Panting heavily, the elf turned around thinking he had escaped the madness only to find he had fallen into another kind altogether.

Alfeegi, the White Dragon Officer stood atop the bar's counter dancing, skipping, swaying and basically getting jiggy with the song the Dragon Knights were horribly caterwauling as they encouraged him on with their cheers and applause.

"GO! GO! GO! GO, 'FEEGI! GO, 'FEEGI! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! GO, 'FEEGI!"

"Wha'?" Rune gaped, his eyes bugging out and his jaw-hitting the floor at the spectacle.

Obviously Alfeegi's condition was worse than they had thought.

"WOO-HOO! YEAH! WHO'S THE VICTOR OF THIS MATCH?!" Kai-stern roared, red-faced in drunken happiness as he slammed down another empty glass upon the numerous empty ones in front of him, and jumped up from his seat pumping both arms in the air.

"KAI-STERN! KAI-STERN! KAI-STERN! KAI-STERN!" chanted the Dragon Fighters who were apparently intoxicated as well.

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?!' Rune yelped, wondering if he was having a really bad nightmare. There was no way so many things could be so crazy, at least not at the perfect, orderly Dragon Castle.

"LIKE, OMIGAWD, IT'S RUNIE!" Kai-stern bellowed, his eyes widening in shock, as he staggered over and slung an arm across the elf's shoulders, "LOOK, 'FEEGI-DUDE! RUNIE'S HERE NOW!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Alfeegi exclaimed, leaping down from the counter, grabbing both his fellow Dragon tribesman's hands and spinning them all around in a circle, singing a jaunty charade of, _" 'WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS?! LALALA! WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS?! LALALA!'"_

For the first time ever in his life, Rune feverishly wished fate had somehow led him to join Nadil and the Yokai's side. He was sure they never had days like this.

OoOoO

Dr. Avis Laira was having a rather amusing time sitting calmly upon a stone bench, sipping tea while he watched his opponent battle…well, _herself_.

"No, we mustn't hurt such a kind, gentle-looking nice old man!" White Cesia attempted to dissuade her evil other half, before losing control of her possession.

"YAH! SHUT UP, YOU ANNOYING LITTLE NINNY!" Black Cesia screamed, forcing her way out again, "I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH GOODY-TWO SHOES PEOPLE! I'M GONNA KILL THEM ALL! FIRST THIS PSYCHO DOCTOR, THEN THAT PYROMANIAC YOU AND REGULAR CESIA SEEM TO LIKE SO MUCH, THEN THIS ENTIRE CASTLE!"

"YOU WON'T HURT, RATH, YOU MEGALOMANIC BITCH! NOW GET OUT OF MY BODY!" Cesia shrieked, slapping herself on the left side of the face.

"THIS IS MY BODY, IDIOT!" Black Cesia screeched back enraged, slapping herself on the right side of her face, "YOU'RE ME! I'M YOU! I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT SNOW WHITE DAME INSIDE US IS, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S SOME SORT OF DEADLY VIRUS THAT PYSCHO YOKAI OVER THERE CREATED!"

"Oh, how can you speak so horribly about your own third self?" White Cesia implored, deeply hurt as she emerged once more. "We should all unite as One and breath in the harmonic peace life brings!"

"SHUT UP!" Black Cesia and Cesia exclaimed simultaneously, before losing control once more to their softer side.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" White Cesia cried, bawling rivers as she sank to her knees and yanked on her hair, "YOU TWO ARE SO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

Dr. Avis Laira couldn't hold in his glee any longer and fell backwards head over heels laughing hysterically.

OoOoO

Meanwhile in the Dragon Castle's Council Room…

"I CAN _SO_FIT MORE CLOTHES IN MY CLOSET THAN YOURS!"

"I HAVE WHOLE_CLOSETS_ JUST FOR MY CLOTHES' _OUTFITS_!"

"HA! I OWN MY OWN _FACTORY CHAIN_ OF CLOTHES!"

_Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts! _Ruwalk repeated sweating profusely, before turning to Lykuleon, who so far had not shown any signs of distress for the continuously long and pointless meeting.

"How do you manage to keep your head with these people?" the Yellow Dragon Officer whispered desperately.

"Why, I just spend time looking at pictures of my Rasie-bear that I took with Dr. Avis Laira's odd thingamajig!" the Dragon Lord beamed at him, holding up a strange square object.

"I'd show you the pictures, but I don't think Rasie-bear would like others seeing them. Oho! My, these are faaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous!" Lykuleon exclaimed, sorting through several pictures and turning a pleasant red in the face, "I had forgotten I had suggested we do that! Heehee!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" poor Ruwalk screamed, springing out of his seat, racing to the blocked doorway and beating at it frantically with his fists, "HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY! ANYBODY, LET ME OUT!"

"Now, what is the matter with him?" the Dragon Lord pondered confused, "I thought that picnic by the lake was very romantic. It was a nice vacation from work."

OoOoO

And in still in the doctor's office…

" '_Late last night when we were all in bed,"_ Rath sang dully as the flames roared about him, _" 'Mrs. O'Leary left a lantern in the shed, and when the cow kicked it over, she winked her eye and said, 'There'll be a hot time in the old town tonight'. Fire! Fire!' "_

To Be Continued…

**A/N: Yes, I finally finished it. Naha, NOW I am totally satisfied with it! I couldn't post it until I felt happy about it, you know. Some tidbits on this chapter. Obviously, since this is a parody, of course, there are things non-canon like Lim-Kana able to transform into a giant spider and Cesia fighting her alter egos…wait, she does, but not to the extent I made her here XD! Also, the song poor Rath sings at the end is not mine. It is called the Chicago Fire Song. I thought it was appropriate for the situation. I know what you all are thinking. WHERE'S KHARL TO RESCUE HIM? You'll have to read the next chapter to find out what happens to him and our other Dragon Tribe members, heehee. **

**I hope you all enjoyed this. Please tell me your favorite parts! I love knowing what make people smile or laugh. Thank you! **


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